What is left

I have no appetite

I like to stay out of sight

I don’t want to talk

Or go for a walk

I don’t want to see friends

I want not to offend

I’m not worth their time

I tell them I’m fine

I’m grumpy and mad

I stay quiet when I’m sad

I have lost my joy somewhere

And now struggle to care

I wouldn’t care for myself

If not for everyone else

I am sad and alone

I’m in pain and I moan

I’m sick of being me

No sympathy

I try to get back

The happy I now lack

My words come out wrong

The sad is too strong

But everything’s great

So I try to create

A way to escape

The loathing self-hate.

 

© Jennifer Winterburn

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6 thoughts on “What is left

  1. Thanks for your comment skinnyuz2b! I wrote this when I felt this way, following long illness, and just feeling fed up being me. It is hard but important to recognise that things can change and break the cycle before you get too comfortable hiding from things. Best wishes to you!

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  2. Hi. So glad to ‘see’ you; I was beginning to get worried not seeing something from you for so long but didn’t want to pry through the blog and had no alternative. I’m really sorry you’ve “lost my joy” but I guess the pessimist must get one over on the optimist from time to time. So, I’ll just say, though I don’t know you (except for the blog) I do love you. ‘nough said.

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    1. GrumpyTyke thank you, that is very sweet! I have waited until the dark clouds passed to post this. Life is so hard sometimes, and things will build up, spill over, and take everything with it. I’m turning a corner, blinking in the sunshine! Know what? Love you too dude!

      Like

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